The good folks at Entertainment Weekly took some time to transcribe the lowest moments from Charlie Sheen’s roast which is stirring up controversy like everything else he does.
1. “You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.” — Amy Schumer
2. “If you’re winning, this must not be a child custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns — don’t you want to live to see their first 12 steps?” — Jeffrey Ross
3. “Brooke Mueller is not very bright unless Charlie throws a lamp at her. … Mike Tyson, your opponents spent more time bleeding in the corner than Charlie’s ex wives.” — Jeffrey Ross
4. “The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” — Anthony Jeselnik
5. “Charlie still hasn’t hit rock bottom. He’s looking forward to it though, because he thinks there’s a rock there.” — Steve-O
6. “You dropped out of school faster than Casey Anthony’s kid.” — Anthony Jeselnik
7. “It’s amazing — after abusing your lungs, liver and kidneys, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids.” — Kate Walsh
8. “Charlie, you claim to have ‘tiger blood,’ but after all the porn stars you’ve [had sex with], it’s probably Tiger Woods’ blood.” — Seth MacFarlane
One of our favorite roasters Jeffrey Ross after the jump.
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funny