This originated from Abigail Van Buren “Dear Abby” column, but we want to continue the conversation with you LIFERS:
Dear Abby:
My wife and I have been married for five years. I recently discovered that she made between 10 and 20 porn videos when she was 19. We got married when she was 27. We have four kids from two previous marriages. I am devastated. When I confronted her about it, she cried harder than I had ever seen. She said she was lost, and it’s the biggest regret of her entire life.
I understand how hard it can be to tell someone you have done something like this. I haven’t led a perfect life either, and I have my own skeletons and things that I would never mention. But still, I can’t get over this. I have never felt pain like this in my entire life and don’t know what to do. I love my wife and don’t want a divorce, but it haunts my every thought. We have had a great life and I trust her completely. What should I do to get over this? — DEVASTATED IN THE U.S.A.
Tell us what you would do then read Abby’s advice to this unlucky chap after the jump.
Dear Devastated:
A giant step in the right direction would be to accept that you both had a history before you married each other, and you both have done things you aren’t proud of. Then make a list of all the good things you have together, and forgive your wife for making some painful mistakes in the past that she was too ashamed to tell you. It certainly beats divorcing a woman you love over something she can’t change. If that doesn’t work, then you’d be wise to seek marriage counseling.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Just got to get over it! Everyone has a story and it was her past! It sucks but yall have more to worry about now! Its not easy but at the end of the day people are people!
Shoulda googled the bitch, nigga.
HAHHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!
I don’t know if I could get over something like this, but I think he should try at least, it’s gonna take some time and patience, for it to go away.
Just have her fuck you like a pornstar
fist her ass.
divorce.
I dont know…
I just…dont know.
I couldnt……..
I’d marry a few pornstars. Sex is sex and just because they got paid to do it, why I gotta be mad?
you’re an idiot.
Tough one…
MOFOS always talking how they want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed but when you find out she was a paid freak you flip out. Get over it
Just like it has been said already..Everyone has a past. Granted she may have wanted to say something about it to give the guy a fair shake if he wanted to marry her or not, but what can you do now..Either you move on from it or move away from it!
SACK UP!
She was 19 and he got married to her at 27, I assume they are older now. Kinda have to let this one go.
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sounds like you didn’t ask enough questions lol, any girl I date during the first 6 months, this question comes up… after we’ve decided this won’t be a 2 week thing and we get along well enough.. I start askin questions. (Take note) one of those questions while we are talking is:
“Have you ever done porn or do you have sex tapes out there that I need to be aware of” it’s just that simple.
Another question: “Have you ever been pregnant or had an abortion”.
This is just the common get to know you questions in this day and age & if a woman gets upset about it lol you should likely leave her alone.
Ofcourse she can lie about it but if your relationship progresses to the point of marriage and then you find out otherwise, it makes your decision whether to stay/leave trust/not trust very easy.
Moral of the story, get to know the person you are marrying… really really get to know them, if you don’t ask, they won’t tell.
For the women: you should all be asking if your man has ever been with another man… don’t wait until your 4 years in to start asking these questions…smarten up folks.
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It is tough, but if the love is good, the negative past can be beaten. The love of my life, whom I am no longer with, was a stripper before we got together. She too, was ashamed. It made me literally sick when she broke down and told me. It “haunted” my thoughts, too. Just the entire thought of it. But as time goes on and you remember that we are all HUMAN, with flaws and imperfections, it starts becoming less of a big deal. LOVE CONQUERS ALL!!